Crippling Rudeness

> March 2007. Oriental Pearl Tower in Pudong, Shanghai.

Shanghainese people have developed highly effective methods for slowly chipping away at one's humanity. So pervasive and systematic are these incidents, that I have been driven mad on many occasions by what can be defined as a modernised version of Chinese water torture. Their methods consist of an array of violations which, if experienced in isolated instances, could be easily ignored. They are attacks that come in the form of nudges. Constant nudging. Thorough application of these methods result in the increase of tension, blood pressure, irritability, and general poor mental health to dangerously high levels.

The Lean

No matter what line I am standing in, the person behind me inevitably leans ever-so-slightly into me, as if to remind me to move forward. No amount of passive aggressively shoving my bag -- or elbow -- into them seems to successfully convey the message STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

Pedestrian Peril

In what seems to be a general consensus in civilised communities around the world, pedestrians have the right of way. Not so in Shanghai, this city that prides themselves in being the most cosmopolitan in China. All modes of transport, including bipedal, are created equal on the wild roads of Shanghai. Let me be clear: bicycles, electric bikes, motorbikes, QQ's, sedans, and trucks WILL NOT stop for you. They will also not stop for each other. It is a constant game of chicken. There are seemingly no traffic rules, which makes me incredibly curious how traffic school is conducted here. In the end, an unpracticed foot soldier can be left feeling like a cockroach scurrying for cover when the kitchen light comes on.

The Cold Shoulder

No one looks at you. This is the invisible pain. It is the negative space on a canvas filled with shoving, spitting, and shouting. Even -- nay, particularly -- during exchanges where normally customer service is called for, there is no eye contact, no attempt at a smile. Niceties such as "thank you" and "I'm sorry" have ceased to exist in this black hole of common decency.

Users Are Losers

99.9% of my interaction with Shanghainese come in two forms of exchange: money and the promise of money in the future. Unless they know what they want from you, they don't bother.

Visual Assault

Public urination, while wholly acceptable in the countryside and possibly ok during drunken strolls through the park, occurs frequently in broad daylight. Two types of Shanghainese can be seen to unapologetically engage in public urination: middle-aged men and babies. Often cab drivers pull over to piss into the landscaping along the roadside. I once saw a cabbie pull over at a 4-lane intersection during rush hour, walk to his back tire, and piss on his own car. Note, the natives become extremely defensive should you ever bring up the frequent PU sightings. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.