Crippling Rudeness

> March 2007. Oriental Pearl Tower in Pudong, Shanghai.

Shanghainese people have developed highly effective methods for slowly chipping away at one's humanity. So pervasive and systematic are these incidents, that I have been driven mad on many occasions by what can be defined as a modernised version of Chinese water torture. Their methods consist of an array of violations which, if experienced in isolated instances, could be easily ignored. They are attacks that come in the form of nudges. Constant nudging. Thorough application of these methods result in the increase of tension, blood pressure, irritability, and general poor mental health to dangerously high levels.

The Lean

No matter what line I am standing in, the person behind me inevitably leans ever-so-slightly into me, as if to remind me to move forward. No amount of passive aggressively shoving my bag -- or elbow -- into them seems to successfully convey the message STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

Pedestrian Peril

In what seems to be a general consensus in civilised communities around the world, pedestrians have the right of way. Not so in Shanghai, this city that prides themselves in being the most cosmopolitan in China. All modes of transport, including bipedal, are created equal on the wild roads of Shanghai. Let me be clear: bicycles, electric bikes, motorbikes, QQ's, sedans, and trucks WILL NOT stop for you. They will also not stop for each other. It is a constant game of chicken. There are seemingly no traffic rules, which makes me incredibly curious how traffic school is conducted here. In the end, an unpracticed foot soldier can be left feeling like a cockroach scurrying for cover when the kitchen light comes on.

The Cold Shoulder

No one looks at you. This is the invisible pain. It is the negative space on a canvas filled with shoving, spitting, and shouting. Even -- nay, particularly -- during exchanges where normally customer service is called for, there is no eye contact, no attempt at a smile. Niceties such as "thank you" and "I'm sorry" have ceased to exist in this black hole of common decency.

Users Are Losers

99.9% of my interaction with Shanghainese come in two forms of exchange: money and the promise of money in the future. Unless they know what they want from you, they don't bother.

Visual Assault

Public urination, while wholly acceptable in the countryside and possibly ok during drunken strolls through the park, occurs frequently in broad daylight. Two types of Shanghainese can be seen to unapologetically engage in public urination: middle-aged men and babies. Often cab drivers pull over to piss into the landscaping along the roadside. I once saw a cabbie pull over at a 4-lane intersection during rush hour, walk to his back tire, and piss on his own car. Note, the natives become extremely defensive should you ever bring up the frequent PU sightings. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Pick Your Own Chicken Meat Bin

> August 2007. Tesco's, Shanghai.

Well, I guess if they offer loose produce...

David Letterman's Mystery Meat

> August 2007. Tesco's, Shanghai.

What part of what animal is this?

Phantom Digital Files

> September 2007. Jiugulou Dajie, Beijing.

I'm sure I'm not the first to experience the sudden and inexplicable loss of digital images, but it still hurts. It hurts bad. I clutch to their memory for days, unable to shake the feeling that if I could turn on and off the camera in just the right way, they will somehow reappear on the memory stick. In the end, I realise I am powerless to change the situation. Thus, I would like to dedicate this post in memory of the latest images to fall victim to one of technology's mysteries:

1. Images of Hohhot city, where one main avenue is lined with mammoth, recently-erected buildings topped with what look like papier-mache versions of Mongolian-style rooftops and brightly colored Mongolian motifs stenciled onto the sides of these large, white box structures.

2. Two strapping young Muslim men underneath a bare lightbulb, a tall stack of flour sacks in the corner behind them, as they throw and roll dough into shape.

3. A bowl of pickled vegetables that look like maggots.

4. A picture of my leg, with a stranger's leg and arm pressed against me on the long distance bus taking me from Hohhot to the grasslands camp. Throughout the ride, his elbow had a way of finding my hip bone and using it as an armrest. That's called physical intimacy.

5. Image taken from within a dining ger on the Gegentala Grassland of Inner Mongolia. Bright orange velveteen draped from top like a circus tent, down to the horizon of windows running along the circumference of the tent. Through the windows you see sleeping gers huddled together outside, tinted blue by the light of dusk.

6. Image of the humble table spread of the first night's meal: standard white ceramic dishware, large plastic blue thermos full of salty and bitter tea, a hunk of lamp served cut-as-you-eat, sweet corn and kidney beans, stir-fried garlic stems and lamb, steamed rolls.

7. Image of silky-haired goats and filthy woolen lambs grazing in a Restricted Grazing area of the grasslands. The government has begun sectioning off the grasslands and prohibiting grazing in certain areas to protect growth of the actual grass. Possibly unfair, considering that the Han-driven tourism industry is probably disrupting the ecosystem more than the centuries' old nomadic practice. I guess the government sees tourism as better for the economy than preserving a way of life that lives in harmony with nature. (I totally bought into the Mongolian Way).

8. The high, blue sky squatting right on top of a field as far as the eye can see (visibility in the grasslands is excellent). The silhouette of five people stand on the line between heaven and earth, waiting for the bus. Imagine a bus stop in the Nevada desert, except with grass.

9. Old guy riding a motorcycle to heard the sheep and goats.

10. Image of the dreamy Mongolian herdsman who works summers at the camp as a night watchman. Charisma snuck out from within a navy police jacket, the "Police" patch struggling to stay attached, as he stood with his feet apart, resting his weight on his right hip. He squinted towards the West, looking out from underneath dark thick brows and tousled hair with a white felt ger situated behind him. He was planning to spend the winter months singing in Hohhot bars after the autumn grazing concludes.

11. Picture of the gate to the Forbidden City at midnight from across Chang An Jie (possible translation: "Avenue of Lasting Peace") , roughly 20 carlanes wide.

12. Picture of the Museum of the Revolution and the Museum of Chinese History with a Beijing Olympic Countdown LED screen placed smack on top of the wide steps leading to a columned front terrace. Screen sponsored by Rolex.

13. Picture taken from over the shoulder of man flying kite over Tiananmen Square. The length of his kite stretched over a hundred meters into the night sky. People sat nearby watching the kite's mesmerizing languid sway.

Gawking Opportunities Abound; Need Not Apply

Living in a society lacking boundaries of privacy can take some time getting used to. However there is one perk -- the acceptance of pure, unadulterated gawking. Public squabbling and gawking are common and neither seem to carry any social stigma. The scuffle below took place outside Shanghai's largest fabric market.


> March 2007. Dongjiadu market, Shanghai.

Public squabbles are clearly a spectator sport here. Tickets are standing room only and everyone is free to watch, including the security guard who is so interested in the fight, he forgets to break it up...


> March 2007. Dongjiadu market, Shanghai.

Reality Is Overrated

> June 2007. Fuxing Road, Shanghai.

This lovely plastic tarp suggests a hint of Old World sophistication.

Hot Child in the City

> July 2007. Competitive blindness, Shanghai.

Employee: The morning paper predicts that tomorrow will be the hottest day of the year in Shanghai. I think we may need to close the gallery.

Employer: Pity you only say one day before you want to take day off. Now too late.

related facts
> According to federal law, if temperatures reach 40 degrees Celsius, employers must close their doors for business. Presumably, the law exists to protect workers from heat exhaustion.

> Chinese newspapers do not publish forecasts of temperatures over 40 degrees. However, once the workday is finished, evening news will report actual temperatures. Last week temperatures reached 45 C, though forecasts stated 37 C. Some believe a policy of withholding information protects business owners.

> This employer believes the weather is controlled by his staff.

temperature conversion
> 40 C = 104 F
> 45 C = 113 F

Lighting Design 101

SENSE

Employing an imported Moroccan chandelier as the central design element in a chic lounge.

NONSENSE

Literally wearing chandelier earrings.

Re-constructing Your Client's Body Image

> February 2007. Rubbish on Dongjiadu Street Market, Shanghai.

Customer holding 3 skirts: I'd like to try these on.

Sales clerk, taking two skirts from the customer's hand: These are too small for you. [Takes more scrutinising look at the woman's body and hands one of the skirts back]. Fine, you can try this one, too.

Sometimes You Have to Go With the Flow

> February 2007. Whores watching tv, foot massage parlors across the city.

Gallery Director: How about the semi-abstract vaginal portraits?

Gallery Manager: It looks great in the catalogue, but horrible up close.

Gallery Director: Come on, just grab a clit. Grab a pussy.

Gallery Manager: Yes, but there's pubic hair everywhere.


lesson
The boss is always right.

People Mourn in Different Ways...and Over Different Things

> January 2007. From the Floating Muslim Village in Krabi, Thailand.

American Expat Male: I seriously do not want a daughter! I was listening to the CNN broadcast of the Virginia Tech shooting and they kept talking to clueless students trying to get them to breakdown and cry a la Maury Povich. Anyways, they had one call from a girl named Summer who's a freshman at Virginia Tech and had the sweetest, most innocent voice. Wolf Blitzer asked her, "so where were you during the first incident at 7:15 AM." She answered very quickly that she was at the Phi Si Fraternity House ... and somewhere out there a father's heart sunk like the Titanic.

PETA Approves Imitation Bear Products

If it talks like a Be@rbrick and it walks like a Be@rbrick, is it is a Be@rbrick?

> April 2007. Xinle Road, Shanghai.



related facts
Be@rbricks are a slightly more recent kubrick type figure based on a bear shape. Like Hikimono Kubricks, these figures are assorted. Medicom has reached out to designers to create the "paint mask" for the figures and has started a "toy-fever" amongst fans and collectors alike. These Bearbrick molds, unlike the Kubrick line of figures, never changes it's mold. Nothing is ever added to them, such as accessories, either. At least we don't remember anything! The assortment on bearbrick's becomes crazy and wild and varies from series to series. Very hard to truly collect them all, but isn't that a part of the fun? -- Sweaty Frog

Reuters Slips One Past the Censors

"Museum visitors examine a statue of Young Hercules during a preview of the new Greek and Roman Galleries at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York on April 16, 2007. "

I still can't believe the accompanying photo was ok'd.

> Photography by Reuters/Brendan McDermid.

Standard of Living

> Porcelain Shop, February 2007. Fuxing Road, Shanghai.

Surviving in New York is not very much like surviving in Shanghai. In New York, one can never make enough money; no matter how much you make, you always want more. In Shanghai, every breath of fresh air is savored, every quiet block coveted.

Yet as an American in China, I can't say that my quality of life has changed much. I still buy Kleenex and I still use Q-tips. But whereas Kleenex and Q-tips are found in any corner mart in Manhattan, these branded items are only found in select stores around Shanghai. What I consider meeting basic needs translates into a relatively high standard of living here.

If a simple person such as myself <clearing of the throat> is considered well-off by local standards, then what do you suppose happens when the Stepford Wives are transplanted into this type of environment? From what I've seen, the American expat wife community in Shanghai is a petri dish of insecurities and prescription drug addictions. Granted, I had very little opportunity to observe this breed of the American psyche in its native habitat. But the pressure to be more than you are must be intensified here, where suddenly everyone you know is married to the CEO of a multinational; How shameful if your husband were merely in human resources! And belonging to the upper echelons of Arkansas/Milwaukee/Rochester society just doesn't compare to having royal ancestry <enter the European expat wives>.

Boastful exaggerations ensue.

note to self
Stay away from plastic surgery. It does not age well.

Finally, A Breath of Fresh Air

Things I Never Saw Before
March 2007. Wuyi Mountain Nature Reserve, Fujian Province.

1. Frosted Flakes
Partway up to the peak, we hit a layer of fog where the temperatures dropped to below freezing and we saw some beautiful crytallised greenery.

1a....And this spiderweb


2. Ansel Adams Performed Live
Mist in the mountains. This view is in full color, not black&white photography!


3. Sea of Clouds, aka Yun2 Hai3
The view once we broke out of the fog...


4. Frogs Getting Laid
Like a transparent small intestine filled with bubble tea pearls, this is what the next generation of frogs looks like pre-birth.


5. Styrofoam Representation of Mountain Origins
Looks like someone's 6th grade science fair project made it to the Wuyi Mountain Natural History Museum. You should have seen the papier-mache trees in the other room.

Outdoor Living, Fujian-style

> Laundry for 400 family members, March 2007. Tulou, Fujian Province.

> Laundry + Pickled Veggies = Harmonious Household, March 2007. Tulou, Fujian Province.

> Here We Go with the Blankets Again.... March 2007. Tulou, Fujian Province.

> Dried Beans Add Fiber to Your Diet, March 2007. Tulou, Fujian Province.

> Dried Fish and Clams on a Basketball Court, March 2007. Gulangyu, Fujian Province.

> Hey! What do you know? They do laundry here as well, March 2007. Wuyishan, Fujian Province.

Hide and Go Seek

> August 2006. Hutong alley, Beijing.

To view blogspot sites in China, try www.anonymouse.org.

acknowledgments
Thanks to Elizabeth Safford for the tip.

related posts
Ready Steady Go
Internet News Alert

Fast Food Nation: Yummy in the Tummy

commonly known fact
KFC is more popular among Chinese locals than McDonald's.

general consensus
Fast food in China tastes fresher than in the US. Presumably, real poultry is used.










> March 2007. Subway poster, Shanghai.

You Are What You Eat

Anyone care to take a guess?

> March 2007. Gulangyu Islet, Fujian.

Playing Dress Up

Xiamen at night reminds me of a little girl playing with her mother's make up and trying on high heel shoes.

> March 2007. Xiamen, Fujian.

Desperate for a Little Attention

Winning over the Chinese market is serious business and suitors hate taking no for an answer. Will the Empress bat her lashes at the foreigner's romantic overture below? Or is he coming on too strong?


> March 2007. CCTV 3, China.

related links
> http://www.liebherr.com/lh/en/

Ready Steady Go

>June 2006. Taipei, Taiwan.

Blogspot is again fully operational in China.

Infants Gone Wild

> Poster in home of Hakka Earthen Building. Fujian Province, China.

Internet News Alert

No internet access to blogspot.com. This means I can edit, but not view my blog. You can read it, but I can't.

Hopefully this is temporary.

Three Things I Can Live Without

> April 2006. Washington, DC. Photo Courtesy of Michael Li of the Maryland Energy Administration.

Dear Non-US Expats,

The following questions are neither funny nor newsworthy. Please stop asking them.

1. Why do you call yourselves Americans? What about Central or South America?

2. Why is it called the World Series when no one else in the world is allowed to compete?

3. How come Americans only know how to speak English?

Thanks in advance.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

The first time a Shanghai cab driver told me I looked like someone famous, I was thrilled. I always wanted to "look like somebody". The problem is I'm familiar with so few mainland stars. So one time I wrote down the name and of course Google'd her later. The thing I have to wonder is, "Did he mean Liu Xiaoqing on a good day or a bad one?"

GOOD

Pleasant demeanor, looks like someone you could introduce to your mother.

BAD

Could someone please notify Ms. Liu that Siegfried and Roy will no longer be performing their Vegas show?

I'm Sorry, Where Are My Manners?

> June 2006. Stinky Tofu, Taiwan.

Boy: You hold your chopsticks the wrong way.
Girl: The girl at that table holds them the same way I do.
Boy: Yeah, I know. I hate how she eats. I can't even bring myself to look at her.

Ecko: Market Saturation

Getting what you want out of a trade show in China is much like trying to win the game show Supermarket Sweeps. It's all about Pregame Strategy:

1. Know what you need to shop for
2. Plan for the time allotted
3. Be prepared for the physical aspect of moving quickly

Once the buzzer sounds, it's all about FOCUSFOCUSFOCUS.

Attending tradeshows is an intense activity for me. But every once in awhile I have an amusing experience. Last Friday I found a vendor for Ecko Red, where my sister worked last year. It's fun to run into reminders of people in unexpected places. Pretty sure this is Grade A product.

>East China Fair, Shanghai New International Expo Centre

Can someone please tell me the retail price of this shirt??? Or just guess the factory price.

The Refugees Surprise Themselves by Kicking Ass

Shanghai LGBT held their first trivia competition Sunday night at Kevin's Bar & Restaurant. The Refugees, herein referred to as The Winners, were awarded with free drinks and dinner vouchers. After The Winners were announced, The Winners remained to contemplate their Sweet Victory in quiet repose. And humble gratitude.

> The Winners. Photo courtesy of Shanghai LGBT.


acknowledgement
The Winners would like to thank Shanghai LGBT for putting together a great event and being straight-friendly.

note
Reports of ostentatious high-five activity are false. The Winners do not condone public displays of Rubbing It In.

Grooming Service Now Available at Corner Fruit Stand

> March 2003. Changle Lu, Shanghai.

Bound Journalism would like to thank Elizabeth Safford for our first photo submission!

They Say French Is the Most Romantic Language

> June 2006. Lotus farm, Taiwan.

French Gentleman to Woman: Ladies first....so I can check out your ass.

Please Keep Your Hands to Yourself

> March 2007. Senses Wine Bar, Shanghai.

Guy 1: People in China just don't understand about personal space.
Girl, in quiet agreement: Personal space is very small here.
Guy 2: Uhh, personal space is like, negative here.


acknowledgements
Overheard in Shanghai entries based wholly on the website Overheard in New York, one of the best damn things that has ever happened to me.

barf.

I don't like this.

Industrialise Me Anytime

Warehouses. Textile factories. Food processing plants. Flour paper cotton and steel mills. Firm, reliable structures steeped in sweat and tears. They have a sense of purpose and an air of efficiency. I love them.

> February 2007. Corner of Wukang and Huaihai Lu, Shanghai.